Are all of us stunned that the international break has once more proved to be a dangerous idea? At least fake to be shocked.
We at ‘s Definitive European Player Power Rankings aren’t going to let the doom and gloom spoil our enjoyable. The show should go on.
This week, our rankings are helped by the cinematic brilliance of 1982.
“Wish me luck.”
It seems like there’s no luck for Liverpool these days.
Alongside their countless injury issues, they had to endure a dull 1-1 draw with Manchester City, in which Sadio Mane was pretty quiet again.
“That is strength, boy! That is power! The strength and power of flesh! What is steel, compared to the hand that wields it?” (Conan the Barbarian)
Was Ronaldo actually out with COVID-19? Or did he need time off after injuring his back carrying Juventus?
He netted his side’s only goal in a 1-1 draw with Lazio this week, and now sits on six goals from four games. He’s yet to draw a black in the league this season.
“They’re right here.” (Poltergeist)
Lucas Alario has arrived.
The Bayer Leverkusen man put two past Gladbach this week, and he’s now netted twice in each of his last three games. Add in the solitary goal he netted in the game before, and we’ve got ourselves a nice little hot streak.
“Why don’t you get a job, Spicoli?”
“You need money.”
“All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I’m fine.” (Fast Times at Ridgemont High)
If Danilo keeps this form up, he might earn himself a tidy pay day in the very near future.
The 21-year-old Ajax man is tearing it up on loan with Twente this season, netting twice against ADO Den Haag to take his tally for the season to eight in as many games, with an extra four assists for good measure.
“I need ya, Deck. This is a dangerous one, the worst but. I need the old blade runner, I need your magic.” (Blade Runner)
The knee injury Fati picked up against Real Betis is a bad one, so make the most of the Barcelona man’s presence in the Power Rankings while you still can.
See you next year.
“The prophecy did not say something about this!”
“Prophets do not know every part!” (The Dark Crystal)
The prophecy didn’t say anything about Real Sociedad being the best team in Spain this year.
Leading the charge is winger Oyarzabal, whose six league goals have all come in his last five games. That’s enough to take him to the top of La Liga’s scoring charts.
“I seen wrestlers as large as dinosaurs. You ever fought a dinosaur, kid?”
“They can inflict a selection of damage!” (Rocky III)
Son can inflict a selection of damage, but he failed to show his best side in opposition to West Brom.
His red-hot start to the season appears to be like to have slowed down barely, which explains why Tottenham have been limping over the finish line lately.
“You reach anybody yet?”
“Reach anybody? We’re a thousand miles from nowhere, man, and it’s gonna get a hell of a lot worse before it gets any better!” (The Thing)
After spending a few weeks trying just like the best crew on the planet, Everton have come crashing back down to earth lately, and Calvert-Lewin has felt the blow more durable than most.
He went goalless in opposition to Manchester United this week and has only one goal in opposition to sorry Newcastle to show for his efforts in his last three games.
“Momma, I’m tired of being in bed. I wanna get up.”
“Well, you’re not getting up.” (The Secret of NIMH)
We saw nothing from Mbappe this week. The PSG man was sidelined with an injury, but he should be back after the international break.
“Mr. Swann, I was supposed to watch you, remember?”
“Good. Watch this.” (My Favourite Year)
Felix gave us all something to watch this week.
The Atletico starlet is in the best form of his time in Spain and stole the show with two goals an an assist in a 4-0 win over Cadiz.
He’s got Diego Simeone’s side playing fun, attacking football, which is wild.
“You are going to follow me, right?”
“What for? You’re the one who by no means wanted assist, keep in mind?” (Tron)
It’s probably time for somebody at AC Milan to start helping Ibrahimovic.
He currently sits on eight goals from five games, but he was unable to will Milan to victory against Verona this week.
“Tomorrow I’m going to call somebody.”
“Like who? I looked within the Yellow Pages. ‘Furniture Movers’, we have got. ‘Strange Phenomenon’, there is no itemizing.” (Poltergeist)
Few players in Europe are doing the kinds of things Berghuis is managing with Feyenoord.
In his 11 appearances this season, he’s only failed to grab a goal or an assist in just two of them. The Dutchman bagged one of each this week and is in the form of his life.
“Sit, adjust, pray, attack.” (An Officer and a Gentleman)
Haaland is all about attacking, and he added another goal to his ludicrous CV this week.
It wasn’t enough to steer Dortmund past Bayern Munich, but his strike in the 3-2 loss took him to 11 goals in 11 games. Not bad.
“He’s a man from outer space and we’re taking him to his spaceship.”
“Well, cannot he simply beam up?”
“This is reality, Greg.” (E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial)
Lewandowski looks like he’s from another planet.
The man who was robbed of the 2020 Ballon d’Or is on a war path this season. A goal and an assist helped steer Bayern to victory over Dortmund, and Lewandowski has now been involved in 18 goals in just 11 games.
“Are you out of your Vulcan thoughts? No human can tolerate the radiation that is in there!”
“As you’re so fond of observing, Doctor, I’m not human.” (Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan)
Kane is not human. He can’t be.
Europe’s most complete forward right now, Kane popped up with a late goal to steer Spurs to victory over West Brom – the seventh game in a row in which he has been involved in at least one goal.
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